Drunk

I was a bit drunk the other night. Ok, maybe that's an under-exaggeration, cos I was actually completely hammered. I know this not only from my sketchy memories of dashing up for a night with the school mums with a bottle of champagne AND wine, and that fateful moment when I said out loud after guzzling the champagne in record time - "Should I really open this second bottle?", but from the fact that it was pretty early on and I had to nag my 10 year old daughter to get going home. Yikes, I must've been a pretty picture in her eyes - yep, Mum's three sheets to the wind and needs to go home before she makes a spectacle of herself by spewing all over herself.

Yikes. But I can console myself with the fact that I can blame it on the company. These girls are world record holding drinkers - my piddly second bottle was completely pole-axed by one of the girls announcing, not at all shamefully I might add, that she was cracking her fourth! I'll also blame it on the netball game beforehand, too, I think.....or maybe my recent diet has left me so waif-like that I just can't handle my liquor any more.

I like that word, "liquor" (and no, not because it sounds so much like "lick her" and I like to make rude jokes about Liquorland) - it just conjures up images of sophisticated "Mad Men"esque red-lipped housewives pouring generous nips of whisky, or some other such "liquor" into a crystal glass and draining it in one dramatic gulp. Especially after a hard day where she's discovered her hubby's cheating but she's decided not to let on because she has a cunning plan for revenge, involving some form of shrewd, hitting where it hurts (ie, the bank balance) scheme followed by a icily delivered speech about his shortcomings - all the while not smudging the red lippy and drawing on a cigarette with more finesse than should be allowed

But no, I didn't feel the best today, but rest assured I have been truly punished by an extraordinary day-long blaze of naughty behaviour by the kids - they really stepped it up a notch today, let me tell you. Yep, a real festival of fun. Ugh, gotta stop thinking about it and pass out now.